Unfamiliar Territory

Dating

I certainly never thought that word would be part of my vocabulary again.  Actually, I am quite certain wrangling alligators would be easier, and less nerve-wracking, than going on a date with someone after you’ve been married for 7 years.  You become so comfortable with your spouse it’s hard to remember what it’s like to worry about being uncomfortable and unsure again.  For any of you that have had to start over you can relate to the jumbled questions/thoughts that ran through my mind before my first date: “My goodness what do I wear?”  “Should my hair be curly or straight?”  “Hmmm, does this shirt make me look pale?” “I’m going to throw up.”  “What shoes should I wear?” “Oh no, what if I get nervous and do that funky laugh with a snort at the end?” “Oh geez this is not going to end well.”

Luckily for me, and my dinner date, I arrived early with my hair only partially frizzy and no spit-up on my shirt.  The date was pleasant.  He was polite, sweet, and funny.  Thankfully I only snorted once, but it was definitely uncomfortable and completely foreign territory.  I awkwardly tried to keep the conversation going avoiding lulls at all costs, I constantly worried about how to eat, and if I had something in my teeth.  By the end of the date I simply felt like an old, out-of-practice, mother of two who was just ready to get home to her babies.  How am I ever going to find a good guy when I can’t even sit through one date without chewing my nails to the quick?  How in the world am I going to make it in this dating world when I would rather be home on the couch with my babies?  What kind of mother am I for spending a Friday night away from them, anyway?

When I was finally home and snuggled in bed with my baby girls I reflected back on the nail-biting experience.   As the sweet scent of my babies filled my nostrils I realized something.  Despite all the heartbreak I have endured, the broken promises, the lies, and feeling totally defeated…  I realized I still believe in love.  I realized life is so short and I certainly don’t want to spend it alone.  

I realized I still believe.  

I believe in...

Unconditional, complete, and all-consuming love.

One day my children will grow up and they will have their own lives and families.  Hopefully they will both be blessed with a love that is strong, pure, true, and Christ-centered.   I hope by that point I am spending my life with someone who completes me, who loves me unconditionally, and who simply smiles and shakes his head when my funky laugh followed by a little snort comes out.  I realize I may have to experience a few more awkward dates and endure some small heart aches along the way before I find him.   Yet all of these will help me become the woman I need to be for him.  They will help me define myself, my expectations, and my future.  For now I will try to enjoy this new journey in life…

Because I know someone out there has been waiting his whole life just for me.