Removing the Scarlet Letter

Divorce.

The word itself makes many of us cringe.  It isn’t glamorous, easy, or a decision that should be taken lightly.  It cuts to the very hearts of fathers, mothers, and children.  Unfortunately to some it is an easy way out, a way to avoid working out their problems, or simply a search for something better.  While other couples work hard for years to stay together yet end up eventually going their separate ways.  Then in other devastating situations divorce is the only option of survival.  Their marriage is filled with physical, verbal, and emotional abuse.  Whatever the situation may be, divorce is a word that has become far too familiar in our society.

I am a product of divorce in more ways than one.

My parents divorced when I was 5.  I don’t remember much about life before that time, but I do remember I was happy.  I never once felt the tension or stress that my parents must have felt before they separated.  I was just an oblivious little girl enjoying life.  After the separation, my mom took all the steps needed to make sure I transitioned easily from one home to the next.  There were times it was very hard, and definitely not ideal, but I learned to cope with my new life. 

As I got older I became determined to never face divorce again.  I didn’t want my children to ever see in me what I saw in my parents.  The hurt my mother carried daily or the pained look my father would give me when the weekend was over.  I didn’t want my children to carry that burden. I didn’t want to carry that burden.  Unfortunately, we're often burdened with things out of our control…

I am now divorced.

The word that made me cringe for years, the word I swore I would never have to face again, and the single word that could shatter me.  After 7 years of marriage the unexpected blow was devastating.  For months I carried the shame like a scarlet letter “D” even though it wasn’t mine to carry.  I was afraid to hold my head up in fear of what others’ thought of me.  I wanted to hide away because I was ashamed of how my life turned out.  I woke up each day drowning in the pain and shame… 

One day I finally realized that I had a choice:  I could continue to drown or I could start swimming.

 

I chose to swim.

 

I will no longer be burdened and ashamed over the choice of someone else, I will no longer hide away or worry about the pitiful, judgmental glances I receive.  I chose to remove the scarlet letter that had weighed me down for too long.  If you are carrying a scarlet letter today, no matter what that letter may represent, I urge you to remove it!  Remove every last stitch that has been embroidered on your chest!

 Release it!

 

You deserve to be set free but you are the only one who can do it.

 

Overcoming Life's Curveballs

Defeated… we have all been there.  Each day it seems you open your eyes to another catastrophe.  You pray for a break, a moment to breathe, or someone to make it all go away.  As each curveball is thrown your way you are certain you can’t take another one, and before you know it another flies straight for you.

I was so tired of those curveballs.  I couldn’t handle another gut-wrenching blow.  They were too familiar, too hard, and they had brought me to my knees.  First, I found out the person who promised to love me forever, who took vows before God and an oath until death do us part, had decided to break that promise .  Then, I was in a hospital bed fighting to keep my child inside of me just a little bit longer.  Before I knew it I was rushed to an operating table having my baby girl much too soon, and then I was sitting alone in the NICU wondering if she was going to make it through the day.  Before I knew it I was slammed with divorce papers, packing my entire life in boxes to travel halfway across the United States after a major surgery, and depleting every ounce of savings I had to do so.  Once we finally arrived back home we brought a stomach virus with us and someone from the moving company stole all of my jewelry.  I couldn’t take any more pain.  I was now a single mom with no job, no home to call my own, no income, and I was the most defeated I had felt in my entire life.

 

Looking back I realize that each of these moments when I was on my knees are the moments I grew the most.  I learned so much about myself, my capabilities, my faith, and my expectations of others.  Today, I am happy to say that even though my knees are dirty and my glove is worn… I am more blessed than I’ve ever been!  I am employed, my daughter is healthy and thriving, and I am building a new life for my little family.

 

If you are feeling defeated today...

If all of the curveballs have brought you to your knees...

If you feel like you can’t go on…

 

I want you to know that you can!  I believe in you!  I know you can make it through this, and most importantly, God knows you can too.  He knows how capable you are and He has wonderful things in store for your life.  So when that next curveball is headed straight for you I want you to put your glove back on, stand up, and catch it.  Don’t let it take you down!  The curveballs are only detours in this game of life.  Keep your glove ready, trust in God, and know that you will be up to bat again and the future awaits you!

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  Jeremiah 29:11

Stop & Smell the Cookies

Sometimes I feel like my life is a constant rush.  From the moment my feet hit the floor until the moment I lay my head down at night.  Rush, Rush, Rush.  My mornings are usually filled with spit-up, poo-filled diapers, tantrums, and tears all while I am trying to make it out of the house on time without looking like I’ve just survived World War III.  Today was just like any other morning, actually it was probably even more dramatic than some, but I got a big wake-up call… 

My toddler was “making cookies” in her kitchen while I rushed around her like a mad woman.  I was running through the house for the 7^th time frantically trying to gather everything I would need to get out the door.  Suddenly, a sweet little voice calls out “Here, mommy, I made you a cookie”.  My immediate thought was “Oh sweetie, mommy doesn’t have time to eat a cookie right now” but when I turned around to say that to her my thought process changed. 

She stood there full of pride...

 

   

 

Her little chubby hands were holding a small, pink plate that had a single, sprinkle-covered cookie she had ‘baked’ just for me.  She was smiling from ear to ear as she held the plate out to me.  The words that came from my mouth next surprised even me “Oh sweetie that sure looks yummy. Thank you so much” as I plopped right down in the floor to enjoy my cookie. She giggled and smiled as I pretended to gobble it down.  I hugged her and kissed her chubby little cheek as I stood up and finished getting ready.

 

I could have lost that moment.  It wasn’t even 2 minutes out of my day and I almost rushed right past it. I almost crushed my sweet girl’s spirit by ignoring her hard work.  How many other moments have I already lost?  How many times have I turned her smile into a frown without realizing it? 

Life is tough.  The days become overwhelming and there’s a never-ending list of things that need to be done that you never find the time to do.  The list continues to grow and the hustle and bustle of life takes hold.  On those days when you are hanging by a thread, when you’ve rushed around cleaning dust, washing dishes, and folding clothes.  When the only warm bath you’ve had is the spit-up that is now dried on your shirt.  When you feel like you are being pulled in so many directions and you just want to sit down and cry… Don’t.  Instead, stop and taste the cookies.  Savor them.  Don’t let the small, tender moments pass you by.  The dishes will get done, the laundry will be fine, and it’s okay if you are a little late sometimes. 

 

Life is too short.

Don't rush through it. 

Enjoy the cookies.

The Hardest Thing to Give Away

Forgiveness. We are all familiar with the word, but how do we bring ourselves to do it. How do you possibly forgive the friend who broke your trust, the significant other who left you for someone else, the spouse who walked out on your marriage, or the parent who missed half of your life? How in the world can you look that person in the eye and finally say “I forgive you”.

We are only human. When we have been mistreated, wronged, and broken the last thing in our hearts and minds is forgiveness. Instead we carry this pain, resentment, and anger. Our hearts begin to harden without realizing it. Day in and day out we let the pain fester like an open wound that will never heal… until one day we have lost ourselves. We have lost what we once stood for and when we look in the mirror we don’t recognize the person looking back at us.

Have you been there? Have you looked into that mirror? I have… and I almost lost myself. I was consumed with anger, sadness, and bitterness. My life had been turned upside down. My future was uncertain. I had two small children to take care of with no idea how I was going to do it alone. My thoughts were so jumbled and full of rage. I had no focus anymore because I wasn’t even sure what to focus on. My days that were once filled with happiness and laughter, were now filled with anger and tears. I was simply going through the motions of life. One day, after a particularly rough morning, a pair of little blue eyes looked up to me and said “I got you mommy… I got you”. These are the words I always whispered to her when she was sad, scared, or hurt. In that moment my sweet, innocent little girl could sense the despair inside of me. I clung to her and smiled through my tears. I realized that in order to be the best mother, daughter, teacher, and friend that I could be… I finally had to let it go.

Forgiveness isn’t easy, and it won’t make the scars on your heart go away, but it cleanses your soul. You will never forget what happened, but you deserve to stop carrying the heavy load. You deserve to take a deep, refreshing breath. You deserve to smile, laugh, and be happy again. Don’t let someone else steal that from you. You don’t forgive for the person who hurt you… you forgive for yourself. You will forever carry the scars and memories of the battle, but your heart and soul will be released from the war.

Give yourself that gift today, and more importantly, never forget that Jesus is always with you. He is always saying “I’ve got you, my child, I’ve got you”.

“It’s the hardest thing to give away And the last thing on your mind today

It always goes to those that don’t deserve

It’s the opposite of how you feel

When the pain they caused is just too real

It takes everything you have just to say the word…

Forgiveness... Forgiveness”

Forgiveness by Matthew West