Smile... it is Good for the Soul

I woke up with a smile on my face today. I quickly realized that it was this time last year I had a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach and was certain I would never smile again. Yet here I am… smiling. It’s amazing what a year can do, but more importantly, it is amazing what God can do!

I am a single mother. Yes, I said it, the dreaded words that in today’s society are practically sinful to some. No, I didn’t choose this. No, it definitely wasn’t part of my plan or the life I had envisioned for myself and my children, but this is the label that now defines me.

Divorce is devastating. It shakes you to the core of your being. It makes you question everything you once thought was good, pure, and true. There are times you look in the mirror and burst into tears because the person looking back at you is simply the shell of who you used to be. You look into the faces of your precious children and you ache to the very core for them. You often question where you went wrong, why you weren’t good enough, what you could have done differently, and how in the world you ended up in this place asking these questions. It’s like a terrible, never-ending rollercoaster of emotions until the day you finally begin to release the pain... I can still remember that day.

I was sitting in a parking lot in San Antonio, Texas. I was miles away from my family and friends. My sweet toddler was napping in the backseat and my stomach was perfectly, and uncomfortably, round holding my unborn child. I was alone, exhausted, defeated, desperately needing a hug, and all I could do was sob. Through my tears I heard this song by 7eventh Time Down on the radio:
“When you don't know what to say
Just say Jesus
There is power in the name
The name of Jesus
If the words won't come
Cause you're too afraid to pray
Just say Jesus”
I was at the end of my rope. I had run out of prayers. I honestly didn’t even know what to pray anymore so I did what the song said and I whispered “Jesus”. It felt so wonderful that I kept saying it “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus” and in that moment, a moment that I was more alone than I had ever been in my entire life, He filled me up. He gave me a strength that I never knew I had. I dried my eyes and pulled out of that parking lot a different woman. No, I wasn’t healed. No, I wasn’t miraculously happy. Yes, I was still a mess, but I left that parking space knowing He would turn my mess into a message…

No matter what devastating circumstance life may have thrown at you. Whether it be death, divorce, sickness, job loss, or you are simply having an absolutely horrible day. Remember, Jesus hears your cries. He hears your pleas. He may not always have the answers you want to hear… but He hears. Let Him help you. Trust Him. He has a far greater plan for your life than you will ever know.

Today I look in the mirror and I’m no longer a shell of myself. I see strength, beauty, and a determination that I never possessed before. I look at the faces of my children and my heart is happy. I now realize I cannot change someone. I cannot change myself to meet the expectations of others. I cannot beat myself up because of the choices of others, and most of all I cannot make someone love me. I cannot make someone appreciate me… and I shouldn’t have to.

Today I woke up smiling and I know you can too.